An aye for an eye…

Cat on a hot new roof: Pixel checks it over!

Writers remember everything… especially the hurts. Strip a writer to the buff, point to the scars, and he’ll tell you the story of each small one. From the big ones you get novels. A little talent is a nice thing to have if you want to be a writer, but the only real requirement is the ability to remember the story of every scar.
    Art consists of the persistence of memory.
— Stephen King: Misery

I have written on here before about the NHS at its worst (for me). But on Saturday I experienced it at its very best. Before I tell you how, I need to take a few steps back, and tell you the why.

Last Tuesday, after six weeks of seemingly continuous rain, my kitchen and bathroom roof was replaced (very loudly); and I finally removed the bucket and pan from under the spot where all the water had collected in the roof void and made its way through. Then, when the scaffolding was dismantled on Wednesday afternoon, I went and sat outside with my cat Pixel amongst the cement dust and general mess, and reflected on how we’d muddled our way through from the morning I slept in; Storm Floris found the weaknesses in the old roof; and I woke up to an inch of water soaked into the kitchen floormats and collected in poor Pixel’s food-bowls, as well as splashed up the walls and kitchen door (where the weak spot was). It could have been worse, I suppose. But it felt like a disaster… — an expensive disaster.

Left under a photograph on Substack…

Poem for Michael Young

We leave our little red hearts behind:
but isn’t that being just a little unkind… –
shouldn’t we say what moved us that way:
a “Beautiful!!!” or a simple “Grade A”…?

I’ve got to think of my future…

The wait will soon be over…

Twenty two years ago, a truly talented wise man — one of a trio, fortuitously — recommended a record, “an LP”, that he said helped explain where his own startlingly original, beautiful, frequently funky yet immeasurably moving music had come from. Having sat rapt in attention on the front row of the circle at Cheltenham’s Everyman Theatre, elbows on the balcony, my head in my hands, soaking that music up for the first of many times when hours seemed like days, felt like seconds, I had to find this source at all costs… — hoping it would help unlock something… — and it turned out (rather proptitiously, and much to my surprise) that someone who lived near my mum and dad was actually selling a copy. (I think they call this synchronicity.)

It’s a mono record from around the time I was learning to talk, with only a foreign language with lots of accents printed outside and inside; oh, and therefore quite rare… — especially in the UK. However, this appears to be how the world crawls forward meaningfully: one astounding coincidence at a time. Oh, and therefore, the first time I had ever worked abroad, it had been in the city where the wise man was born and grew up with the best friend who now played drums with him (the second wise man): right around the time the band was getting together (with the third wise man) and my son was learning to talk. The city is called Västerås; the first wise man Esbjörn; and his band — which you may have heard, heard of (I do hope so) — was the Esbjörn Svensson Trio.

If knowledge could be set up against mortality…

Bridge 142, Shropshire Union Canal © 2000 Simon Crosbie

for Rosie: Simon’s song
(in memory of Simon Crosbie: 25 December 1966 to 24 April 2025)

    there are no words that you can say
    no pill to take the pain away
    when you are raggedly ripped in two
    there is no healing superglue

more than just each partner’s brother
once we were there for the other
much more than just so simply there
yet tighter than a braided wire

we were as close as lovers once
yet did not do those things they do
except those kisses on the cheek
pinched in jest for being unique

    there are no words that you can say
    no pill to take the pain away
    when you are raggedly ripped in two
    there is no healing superglue

you are the loveliest man I’ve met
the brightest and most gifted too
so full of love and honesty
that sharing time and space with you

have always been my greatest joys
that knowing smile, that gorgeous voice
so dapper and so full of zest
genius at its very best

    there are no words that you can say
    no pill to take the pain away
    when you are raggedly ripped in two
    there is no healing superglue

the plans we’d made, the things we’d do
the sprawling journeys we’d relive
the craic and music shared once more
the mutual pleasure they would give

I missed you when you were alive
do not know what I’ll do in death
would sadly swap lives to survive
would gladly take your final breath

    there are no words that you can say
    no pill to take the pain away
    when you are raggedly ripped in two
    there’s nothing else that you can do
        but weep…

The old man and the tarn…

For Paul Besley… — inspired by him, his writing, and a recent visit to Eel Tarn.

As the Sun also rises, so the Moon rests. Its waning glow, low in the mauve sky as it drew the Man here, has departed. But he still feeds off its allure as his pulse climbs, and he pauses, breathing hard, summoning support, as well as the air he so craves. He moves on to meet the dawn, pushing his body well beyond the valley-bound limits it frequently fights to meet. This race was too urgent to refuse, and all obstacles must be overcome, or sidelined.

Few creatures stir so early, the young calves so puzzled by his appearance that they cannot label him good nor bad, so regard him as both. Finally, they return to their cud-chewing amongst the muddy grass. Even after such a long absence of rain, some becks still happily feed the ground. The Man tracks this one eagerly; then turns from it to face down the radiant horizon.