How do you mean…?

Inspired by my hero, Douglas Adams, and his collaboration with John Lloyd on The Meaning of Liff – as well as I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue’s Uxbridge English Dictionary of daffynitions – here are a selection of the (possibly) real meanings of local place-names:

• Alderminster 1. A retired vicar. 2. Ex-member of the cabinet.
• Alveston Layering for winter.
• Banbury Only cremations allowed.
• Barford No American cars, please.
• Bearley 1. An old and much-loved teddy. 2. A parsimonious amount of locally-grown grain.
• Beaudesert 1. Trifle. 2. Treacle tart and custard.
• Bidford [see Barford] Trying to buy an American car at auction.
• Birmingham Sand-cured pig thigh or hock.
• Brownsover Ex-PM.
• Chadshunt 1. Ignorance of African geography. 2. American presidential election fallout.
• Charlecote Outerwear fit for a prince.
• Charlecote Park [see Charlecote] A posh cloakroom.
• Claverdon 1. Knowledgeable Spanish nobleman (e.g. Juan). 2. Bighead. 3. Lecturer.
• Coughton [see Charlecote] Going outside.
• Coventry The mystical oak where witches meet.
• Epwell A supersized form of naval uniform shoulder ornament [see also Shipston-on-Stour].
• Ettington Frequently results in indigestion.
• Foleshill My horse is poorly.
• Fullready A new car, with a complimentary tank of petrol.
• Fullready ford [see Barford; Bidford; Fullready] A new American car, etc..
• Gaydon [see Claverdon] Happy Spanish nobleman (e.g. Adriano de Armado).
• Halford One part of a ‘cut and shut’ [see Barford; Bidford; Fullready ford].
• Idlicote [see Charlecote; Coughton] Outerwear for lounging.
• Kenilworth A valuation of canines (sometimes behind glass).
• King’s Norton Posh motorcycle.
• Knowle [see Claverdon] Bighead.
• Leamington Spa A branded corner shop in Leamington.
• Lower Tysoe [see Tysoe] To knot shoelaces properly.
• Loxley Narrowboat, waiting its turn (e.g. at Hatton).
• Middle (or Church) Tysoe [see Tysoe] Cincture at the navel, or waist, of cassock.
• Moreton Morrell An excess of edible fungi.
• Newbold Reformulated washing powder…
• Newbold Pacey [see Newbold] …for a quick wash.
• Norton Lindsey [see King’s Norton] Shakespearan actor’s motorcycle.
• Oxhill [see Foleshill] My cow is poorly.
• Packwood Carrying fire-alms (on the Feast of Stephen).
• Pillerton A large prescription.
• Pillerton Hersey [see Pillerton] Side-effects.
• Pillerton Priors [see Pillerton] Repeat prescriptions.
• Radway Good direction.
• Rollright How to win a big cheese…
• Rollright Stones [see Rollright] …under the influence.
• Sherbourne Shakespearean actor carried aloft; transported.
• Shipston One hundred mariners.
• Shipston-on-Stour [see Shipston] One hundred mariners between changes of uniform.
• Snitterfield The sensation or experience of a tiny laugh [fr. Howerd; fr. Williams].
• Southam Piggish insult [fr. Shakespeare].
• Stratford 1. Without digression. 2. Not complicated. 3. Often the second exit on a roundabout.
• Stratford-upon-Avon [see Stratford] It’s easy to understand, as God is my witness [fr. Shakespeare; obsolete].
• Tysoe To knot, or fasten, something correctly.
• Upper (or Over) Tysoe [see Tysoe] Windsor, half-Windsor, four-in-hand, or Pratt?
• Upton A prefix: meaning negative, or of a dubious nature – e.g. upton ogood.
• Upton House [see Upton] A lack of commonsense.
• Walton A televised Disney film.
• Warwick A candle used in blackouts.
• Whatcote [see Alveston; Charlecote; Coughton; Idlicote] Doubting the Met Office.
• Whichford [see Barford; Bidford; Fullready ford; Halford] Struggling to choose a model of car.
• Willicote Prophylactic.
• Willoughby On the banks of the Avon.
• Wilmcote [see Charlecote] Outerwear fit for a prince (as opposed to haricot – which is obviously a bean).
• Worcester Jeeves’ employer.
• Wroxton A large quantity – or weight – of ironstone.

If you would like to suggest your own definitions, or alternatives, please feel free to add a comment below.